Dear Roaster:
SwaSlu Stealth Roast Opportunity - When the Roaster gets busy, the busy Roaster gets marketing help! - MORE
It is all about the Marketing! -

In a world that expects ever more production from an ever shrinking timeframe, one can sometimes use some help.

That is what is set up to accomplish, more for, and from, your  STEALTH ROAST with minimal effort from your staff, all without risk to the Brand.

The people behind spent 20 years cranking a cafe/coffee shop and theater and marketplace, the Brooklyn Lyceum (, with two -  three hundred person occupancy activity spaces.

We learned quite a bit working with events big and small. While that venture is on hold (really long story, no time for that now), we have taken some learnings and applied them to sharpen the marketing axe, an espresso marketing axe.

All Things Espresso
Stories and commentary on Espresso - all the news thats fit to drink! - MORE
the SHOT!!! -

Swaslu thinks, with its Permian mind, that espresso ain't all that complicated. It is all about an attention to rigorous detail that Swaslu nails, but mere mortal baristas cannot hope match at volume. 

And, armed with what baristas cannot match, we are hitting the road to sample a panoply of STEALTH ROASTS from roasters nationwide all to spread the Americano love and  do unbiased market research for the roasters. 

First off, SwaSlu lets the roasters roast an build relationships with the growers.  The art of roasting and the effort to effectively interact with the growers is an important art best left to those who focus on that art, and is, really, the core foundation for great shots.

Second, SwaSlu digs into what espresso is as opposed to brewing.  That is on the science end of the spectrum, an end with which Swaslu is entirely familiar.

Espresso commands the taste from the grinds, whereas brewing coaxes out whatever flavor will willingly be coaxed.

Swaslu saves vital taste characteristics of the STEALTH ROASTS at our espresso workshop for sampling far from the normal machinery and preconceptions of espresso enabling our pop-up  roadshow. 

Americanos will come to rule the playing field, much as we did with infinite evolutional varieties over millions of years.

espesso the need? - SWASLU the speed! - MORE
Waiting since the Permian ... -

for a reason to get out of the muck. is that reason.

Where evolution failed us, your trilobite overlords, science and taste buds let you nouveau upstart species enjoy life (espresso) more than we did at the bottom of a mucky ocean eating all we bumped into until we developed the first eyes. Yes, the food tasted so bad we developed these multi-lens eyes to avoid things that taste like, well, scum.

Think FEED before FIGHT or FLIGHT.

Born in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy when power was at a minimum, the SwampSlurry process extracts all it can, far more than the local super-barista can hope to pull in a busy shop with far too many variables to manage the process in any meaningful way.

SwaSlu hones in on Stealth Roasts, processes the roasts into shots and then flash cools them for later use preserving the vital taste characteristics for later use whether that use is at home, in cafes and restaurants, or on the road at markets and fairs.  Think of it as a wine cellar of espresso roasts.

Swaslu  ( is the roadshow.

Stealth Roasts
We do the labor ... pushing your flavor! - somewhere, somehow, someone's got to market! - MORE
TLDR / Summary -

Swaslu samples/markets Stealth Roast Americanos (and, on occasion, other espresso based drinks) using your espresso roasts anonymously at events ... and collects up unbiased reviews.

Swaslu collates the results and sends them to you.

You save marketing $$$$$ and staff costs/time and get inroads on earning $$$$$.

Americanos (and espresso based drinks) will rule the world!

Snack Samples
Let us help you push your snack - whilst we push Stealth Roasts - MORE

Many things go well with STEALTH ROAST Espresso.

Time to bring it home strong.

With an engaged espresso audience, we can sample your snacks and get feedback.

Apply here :

500 Samplings over 8-16 event days.

And customer feedback to boot!

SwaSlu Philosophy
why SwaSlu do what it do - more espresso variants than are dreamt of in your philosophy

SwaSlu 101:

Coffee is a fruit and one shall not roast a fruit till the essence of fruit is reduced to ashes.  You wouldn't do that to a grapefruit, so leave the coffee alone.

Espresso is a process, different from brewing, that extracts an otherworldly goodness when done well.

Espresso roasts are just roasts the roasters think would do well in the espresso process.  There is no standard.

Lighter roasts fade in milk based drinks.  So a bit less milk with lighter roasts in lattes and cappuccinos.

Espresso is origin of the universe level complicated :

Americanos (espresso + a little hot H20) release flavors and nuances ordinary coffee can only bow to.

Freezing espresso shots is cool (pun intended) and allow for better Americanos than 95% of any brewed coffee, artisanal or not.

Many things go well with Espresso.

They should be liberally sampled (Submit Snack).

All things Trilobite
waiting since the permian - for a trilobite web compendium
Trilobites = fascinating. -

With a trilobite as the swaslu representative, we want to give a shout out to these amazing creatures.

Rarely are there animals that survived hundreds of millions of years.

Enjoy some links and some discussion.

  1. A lament of the fate of trilobites
  2. Nigel Hughes (singer/professor)
  3. Trilobite (Deep Time)
  4. The Trouble With Trilobites
  5. Origins of Trilobites
Special Events
Wedding or focused service ... - Let SwaSlu serve you.
Mediocre coffee got you down? -

Want tasty coffee served at an event?

Lattes that turn heads?

Be it a wedding or a roaster promo, let SwaSlu serve it up.

Contact us here to chat :

Espresso String Theory
Origin of the universe complicated! - What makes or breaks an espresso shot? - MORE
String Theory:Primer -

In the never ending quest to understand the basic fundamentals of the universe, something called String Theory popped up decades ago.

Just as we experience a three dimensional reality of width-X-height-X-depth with a 4th dimension of time  added,  a height-X-width-X-depth-X-time, so it is theorized that there are 7 more  dimensions making a :

No matter how much of a headache you get attempting to understand this (as all physicists get), you can feel the complexity of such a system, a complexity that is approximated by Espresso.

Next we deal with 11 Espresso dimensions.

When we get done you should appreciate what SwampSlurry provides, a reduction of that complexity to a stellar product for your home, business or event.

Just the facts, Please.
Learn from coffee industry mistakes! - Simple rules to steller Espresso
Things we know... -

Many variables must be continuously monitored and  controlled to ensure a great shot.

One thing we learned is that the failure along the lines of any one variable results in shots of espresso that are just meh and require much sweetener and much dilution (milk/water) to correct for the failure of that one variable.

In the end, we realized that a consistently pulled shot, when frozen immediately and counter to prevailing theory, allows for a tremendous taste to be more consistently provided.

The variables (at least the ones we are willing to tell you) we seek to control:

  1. Good beans
  2. Two shot volume of espresso beans. 
  3. Grind such that clumping occurs but quickly collapses after clumping.
  4. Consistent hot water temperature.
  5. Seconds after contact with water without pressure (ensures that the top layer is evenly saturated)...
  6. push through for a double shot into a 2 oz jar.

That is all there is to it, save for the experienced eye to tune the process almost shot to shot.

By our estimate, a hundred hours of pulling shots this way will make you a pro. 

This process also solves the pull time problem for a coffee shop who is swamped with business.

Simply queue up some of these frozen jars a few minutes in advance in hot water and you can just unscrew the cap and combine the espresso elixer with 200  degred +/-  hot water and have an Americano as quick as pouring a cup of coffee.

Our way is likely to produce a better Americanos and better latte than your machine / barista  combo will.

Note that the espresso shots are still better done by your staff as the crema is not preserved with this method, although the taste is.

Old Guard still standing ...

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  • --Brazil gunmen shoot at convoy carrying nuclear fuel in Angra dos Reis
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  • --Ask Amy: Father goes to grown child for financial help
  • --2 wounded, 1 critically, in Uptown shooting on Argyle Street: 'It was chaotic'
  • --With 2 weeks before mayoral election, Toni Preckwinkle not airing TV ads: 'We’re making strategic de
  • --Man who tackled 'Eggboy' has outstanding warrant on charges relating to church incident
  • --German Politicians Call Trump's Ambassador A 'Brat' And 'Total Diplomatic Failure,' Demand Immediate
  • --Canada's oldest rape crisis centre stripped of city funding for refusing to accept trans women.
  • --Surrounded By Military Barracks, Skiers Shred The Himalayan Slopes Of Indian Kashmir
  • --Coping With The Persistent Trauma Of Anti-Muslim Rhetoric And Violence
  • --Cyclone Idai Leaves Millions In Need Of Rescue And Other Assistance

Indie news of note ...

  • --Real Estate Brochure For Vacant School Sounds Alarms in Germantown
  • --Piecing Together The Lost History Of Wirt & Knox
  • --Interior Of 30th Street Station To Be Considered For Historic Designation
  • --University of Illinois at Chicago Missed Warning Signs of Research Going Awry, Letters Show
  • --Facebook Won’t Let Employers, Landlords or Lenders Discriminate in Ads Anymore
  • --Meg Marco Joins ProPublica as Senior Editor for Audience
  • --Atlantic Yards CDC: not much chance to hire its own consultants on project changes, as per 2018 prop
  • --B15 tower is now said to be due in Spring 2022, but the school will be ready in August 2022
  • --So, were the development leases for B12/B13/B15 good deals?
  • --Warehouse with Healthy Holly books: Off-limits to a reporter
  • --UMMS’s Bob Chrencik built a hospital empire out of privatization
  • --Found: 8,700 Healthy Holly books in a school warehouse

Science feeds of note ...

  • --Doing just 10 min to 1 hour of leisure time physical activity such as dancing, walking, or gardening
  • --"Prescription" fruits and vegetables would work: The “cost-effectiveness of financial incentives for
  • --A new study suggests that white Americans who hold liberal socio-political views use language that m
  • --Surprise! 'Active Asteroid' Bennu Is a Rare Particle-Ejecting Space Rock
  • --Scientists Are Fighting Drug-Resistant Bacteria in Space with Silvery Shield
  • --Neil deGrasse Tyson Returning to TV After Fox, NatGeo Investigation: Report
  • --Healthy food prescriptions could save billions in healthcare costs
  • --The latest Apple product updates include a faster iMac and confusing new iPads
  • --Nintendo Switch savings and other good deals happening today
  • --Bayer shares plunge on new US cancer ruling
  • --At Kenyan orphanage, baby elephants find a new life, and love
  • --Not so fantastic: Can Japan end its love affair with plastic?

Evolution feeds of note ...

  • --Low genetic variation is associated with low mutation rate in the giant duckweed
  • --Evolving society: why humanity coheres
  • --Tree ring phototropism and implications for the rotation of the North China Block
  • --Predator–Prey Interactions in the Anthropocene: Reconciling Multiple Aspects of Novelty
  • --What Explains Latitudinal Diversity Gradients?
  • --Dynamic Relationships between Information Transmission and Social Connections
  • --Did Dietary Changes Bring Us ‘F’ Words? Study Tackles Complexities of Language’s Origins
  • --How the Icefish Got Its Transparent Blood and See-Through Skull
  • --Why Do Zebras Have Stripes? Scientists Camouflaged Horses to Find Out